Feelings

November 28, 2007

Xenet 71.43.1 System Msg

TTY31201.11.28

Network Connection Enabled
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Back on earth I used to think I knew what it was to have deep feelings. But it was not until I've started fighting that I really understood what those feelings were.

I thought I knew fear when a spider landed on my arm or I had to go to the hospital for a chest X Ray or when I was in a car crash. But that fear couldn't compare to my shot gun jamming with a Howler standing 3 feet away from me. I didn't know gratitude until another AFS Solider blew the Howler to pieces saving my life. I didn't know horror until I saw a Kael crush that very solider under his feet. Nor did I know anger until I unjammed my gun and unloaded into that beast.

I never felt more tired then I did that night. And when I woke up that morning I never felt as guilty as I did then. That solider would've lived had he seen the Kael coming, but he was busy saving me because that morning I FELT too lazy to clean my gun. Back on earth, I thought I really knew what feelings were, and I really had no idea. But I would give anything to go back and feel those feelings again. And after this war, if I live through it, I doubt ill ever feel anything again.

And for the record, I would rather lay in bed with 100 earth spiders then to ever have to see a Xanx again...

- Pugh